From that of complete darkness and feeling so hopeless, to then progressing so slowly with the smallest rays of hope, life after cancer has blossomed over the years into something truly beautiful and breathtaking.
Pete & Marnie - October 2015
My old buddy Pete, whom I've known for 20 years, finally got hitched last year! I was super excited for both him and his new wife, Marnie, but just wasn't able to make the ceremony. As promised though, and a little bit later than planned, I was happy to finally deliver my wedding gift to them of a professional engagement style photo shoot!
Healing Your Heart after Cancer
The first time I saw a photo of the sculpture titled "LOVE" at Burning Man 2015, by Ukranian artist Alexandr Milov, I was nearly moved to tears by how powerfully yet simply it represented how I've felt about one too many people in the past few years. Some have said it represents people's egos, pride, and resentment, which just allows pain to persist when people are unwilling or unable to resolve bad situations with each other, even though deep inside, the inner child is still reaching out towards the other with love.
Joint Base Andrews Air Show 2015
A huge highlight of our summer was finally getting to go to the Joint Base Andrews Air Show on September 19th, 2015. I had been to the Andrews Air Show back in 2012, and thought it was fantastic. I couldn't wait to go the following year with the whole family, except 2012 was the year they went to every other year for this particular air show due to budget cuts. By the time 2014 finally rolled around, the sequester killed our DC area air show once again, and it took until 2015 to finally get another air show, and only for a single day. Thankfully the weather was perfect, and it was a picture perfect clear day. We went all-in and sprung for Flight Line Club passes for all of us so that we could enjoy the air show in style. Luxury trip. :-)
10 Important Lessons on Life, Love, and Forgiveness After Cancer
There's a type of pain that's not often talked about by cancer survivors, and that's the pain we experience when the nature of our relationships with people in our lives change, as either a direct or indirect result of our cancer experience. This is the story of my deep interpersonal and spiritual struggles after cancer, of trying to make sense of the world again, of trying to get to the bottom of who I really was and what I needed in this world, and all of the bumps and roadblocks along the way.
What Cancer Surveillance and Scanxiety Feels Like
25 Appointments and Counting... On the eve of my 4 year check-up for cancer, I rather foolishly clicked on a news video link of Virgin Atlantic Flight VS43's emergency landing in Gatwick last December. I've watched emergency landing videos before, but this is just asking for trouble around surveillance appointments, and I should have known better. As the Boeing 747-400 came down without its starboard main landing gear deployed, and with emergency vehicles lining the runway that were prepared for the worst, it was as though all of the collective fear, anxiety, and tension of the passengers on-board that aircraft found a way to channel straight through me. I could relate to this so well, because I know exactly what this feels like, and it's how I had already been feeling at the sub-conscious level. This is what I've been going through for 4 years now, over and over again, as an 'S.O.S.' cancer patient, "stranded on surveillance."
Happy National Cancer Survivors Day 2015
Happy National Cancer Survivors Day! This has always been a good time to take pause and reflect on where I’m at, where I’ve been, and where I should be heading next, as NCSD aligns with my annual mark checkups. (My next follow-up is in two weeks). This year I’m realizing just how much life has changed since cancer entered my life, and how far I’ve come in this journey.
A Snapshot of Post-Traumatic Stress
I arrived at work on a seemingly ordinary day on Thursday, May 21st, but found myself unable to think or concentrate at all. I felt a lot of nervous energy and anxiety building, but didn't know why. I had also started having cancer-related nightmares in the previous week, as if to predict something rotten coming. It turned out that this particular day was my last two days of chemotherapy, four years ago, and I remember those days all too well.
Running from Cancer
On Life and Its Huge Contrasts
The crazy March weather in the Washington, D.C. area has reminded me that sometimes life is about the contrasts. A foot of snow blanketed the area a few weeks back, followed by nearly spring like warmth just days later. And then, more snow came on the first official day of Spring! Just as with nature, in life and especially with cancer, we see great contrasts as well.
Stuart Scott's Memoir - 'Every Day I Fight'
I took advantage of some down time on a business trip this week to read Stuart Scott’s memoir, 'Every Day I Fight'. Like Lance Armstrong’s cancer memoir, ‘It’s Not About the Bike’, that I read when I was first diagnosed with cancer, I piled through this one in a single day, too. I actually didn’t read it just once, I read it twice!
The Truth About Testicular Cancer Markers, and Detection with Pregnancy Tests
It seems like every few months, a story pops up somewhere where somebody managed to detect their testicular cancer with a pregnancy test. Yes, it's true! Thiscan be done. In a strange coincidence of nature, the hormone called beta human chorionic gonadotropin, or HCG for short, which is emitted from the cells that form the placenta when a woman is pregnant and is what the pregnancy test looks for, can also be emitted by some types of testicular cancer. Since HCG should never be elevated in men except for in a few rare and very specific situations, a positive pregnancy test result in a man is almost a sure sign of testicular cancer!
Doctors Say, Keep Checking Your Nuts
In February 2015, Steven Petrow published an article in the Washington Post titled "Guys, here’s why it’s not worth testing yourself for a ‘lump’ down there", coming out against testicular self-exams (TSE) after having previously been supportive of them. What's surprising about the article is not just that such a view against testicular self-exams exists, but because Mr. Petrow himself is a twenty years and change survivor of advanced stage testicular cancer. I applaud and congratulate Mr. Petrow on reaching such a milestone. It's something that we cancer survivors take great pride in and stories like his are inspiring to so many of us, but I could not disagree more with his recommendation against TSE. Petrow thinks that it's "smarter" now to keep his hands to himself, but is it really?
Top 4 Lessons Learned in Four Years of Cancer Survivorship
On Saturday, February 14th, 2015, Valentine's Day of all the days, I'll mark four years as a cancer survivor. I've learned much about how to truly "survive" cancer in these past few years, and I think just a little about life too, and wanted to mark this occasion by passing along my top four lessons learned in four years of cancer survivorship.
Ten New Year's Resolutions from a Cancer Survivor
Surviving Testicular Cancer 30 Years Ago
As much as I and so many of us have all struggled during our cancer survivorship years, I've wondered from time to time how the guys in decades past managed this, prior to the connected world that we live in and benefit from today. We really do have the world at our fingertips these days, and there are so many wonderful sources of information and support that are just a click away, and people that I've met and bonded with via the Internet that I couldn't imagine having made it through my survivorship journey without. So how on Earth did the guys manage this decades ago in the relative "dark ages", before the Internet and the 24/7 connected world of the 21st century?
Giving Thanks to a Whole New Family
I have a whole lot to be thankful for this year. It was around this time last year in 2013 when I finally felt like I had all of the challenges of my cancer survivorship figured out, and 2014 has been the year where I proved to myself that I really did. It’s been such a liberating feeling to finally feel free from so many emotional burdens and sources of pain, and to also feel fully secure and confident in life for the first time this year as a cancer survivor.
Cancer Survivorship - The Fight after the Fight and All of its Firsts
After our fights with cancer are over, we all want so badly to believe that everything is behind us and that life is going to get back to normal. Those first weeks and months after our cancer fights are such a precious time. It’s our first taste of freedom after having been wrongfully held hostage by cancer for so long. I had my life back, but as time and the months went on I realized that it wasn’t my old life that I had back, but rather an entirely new one. Cancer survivorship brings with it an entirely new set of life circumstances and a whole lot of firsts, many of which I was completely unprepared to handle or to deal with at all.
How To Talk to Cancer Survivors about Cancer
I know that I, and most every cancer survivor and co-survivor friend that I have, have all had awkward experiences with friends, family members, co-workers, and other concerned people in the aftermath of their cancer fight who might have wanted to say something to us in support or just ask questions, but have been too afraid of saying the “wrong thing” and upsetting us. This is a great shame, and also a huge missed opportunity when those that are closest to us are too afraid to ask things, genuinely just trying to understand or know more about our experiences, especially when the protocol for asking such things has already long been established.
Five Days of Thankfulness from a Cancer Survivor
My cancer diagnosis at age 33 taught me just how fragile life is, and that each day really is a gift and something to appreciate. It was the fear of losing everything more times than I care to recall as I fought, recovered, and survived that helped me to realize just how much I have to be thankful for in this world. And so I bring to you, Five Days of Thankfulness from a Cancer Survivor.